For the past few months, I’ve been in a slump, felt discouraged, unmotivated, unproductive, and not like myself at all. I had to deal with a few issues and it all just felt as if I was trapped in groundhog day. I go through these periods from time to time but this time it felt like a neverending process until one day I woke up with a strong need of reclaiming myself and my life back.
This platform is a lifestyle blog with a focus on personal development and self-love. And if you’ve been a reader for some time, you know that I love different challenges, perfecting myself, and becoming better. However, even when you have a perfect plan you still can fall and fail. I think while doing my 365 days challenge, I was focusing on so many things that I just got burned out. Even despite the fact that I know better to not overwhelm myself with too many things and changes at the same time, it seemed unavoidable at some point.
What happened
Life is difficult and not always positive. I yet again find myself confused about my life and my future, and all I want to have is peace with myself. I don’t remember what I was doing exactly but I had an idea and then this thought popped up “what would so and so think about you if you’d do it?”. It shocked me, to be honest. Why would I care what they think? I barely know them!
But then I started revisiting everything I’ve done in my life only to realize that a lot of these things that I’ve done, created, and tried were for someone else and not for me. Living your life through the prism of someone else’s ideas and perception of you is kind of…weird, no?
This revelation surprised me a lot. Almost every decision I made, every opportunity I took, there was this thought lurking in the back of my mind “what would so and so think about you?”.
I just had to find a way to get my life and myself back. I am 30 at the end of the day, I can’t keep living for others. So waking up that morning with the idea and a very strong need of reclaiming myself was my turning point.
Why the need to reclaim yourself?
I think reclaiming yourself or taking yourself back is extremely important when we are on the personal development or healing journey. You need to reclaim yourself in order to let go of old patterns, expectations from others, false beliefs, harmful practices, and things that hold you back. There is obviously more to that but reclaiming yourself, in my opinion, is one of the most important steps.
Reclaiming yourself means blocking the outside noise, and also the inner insecure doubtful voice that tells you that you can’t do something. Reclaiming yourself is also focusing purely on yourself in order to grow and break the old cycle.
Reclaiming yourself doesn’t come automatically, it’s a decision and a process. You need to reclaim yourself and take responsibility for your life NOW. It’s not too late, it’s never too late! I don’t care what others say but there is always time to get yourself back, get your life back on track and start living the life you want despite all the challenges.
You deserve to live your best life and to feel incredible inside. As I mentioned before, life is hard but it’s up to us to find beauty and fight for ourselves, our truths, and authenticity.
Reclaiming yourself and your power back is not magical, it can get hard so here are 5 things that I learned while being on this path.
5 Things I learned
1| It will be uncomfortable and hard
Any changes are hard. When it comes to your own life and confronting the lies you lived it can get complex not only for you but for people around you. You may realize that certain relationships have to end or you’ll need to have a conversation with some people, apologize or ask for an apology, etc. It will get very uncomfortable.
I made a decision not to talk to certain family members and explaining it to other people in the family is quite difficult. And yes, after explaining the situation multiple times, I still have to do it again and again.
Another thing that can make you uncomfortable is your own false beliefs, lies you lived, lies that others told you or you told yourself. It’s like the band-aid that you just HAVE to remove So better do it fast. Don’t cover your distractive habits and patterns with another layer of excuses. It will get only harder.
When I came clean with myself about some destructive patterns that influenced my professional life, like being unable to stay persistent or focused on a few things instead of billion, I’ve seen a way for improvement. While it was hard to realize that if I stayed focused, spent less money on the things I didn’t like, and actually invested in myself, I would be in a totally different place career and money-wise, it helped me here and now to come up with options.
2| You need to put yourself first
Asking yourself how you actually feel and if you want to do something is important. I had to be extremely honest with myself about certain things. I was and still am scared to let other people down or destroy their perception of me and expectations from me. But at the end of the day, this is my life and I cannot waste it anymore.
Try to put yourself first as much as possible even when it comes to small things.
Oh, and did I say it can get uncomfortable? Yes, it is a badass move to be the main character in your own life. But it also means choosing what is best for you even if you don’t necessarily want to do it, for example, exercising, going on a hike, avoiding sugar, being honest with people around you, saying no.
3| Old patterns and habits have to go
Whether you like it or not, in order to move on, old habits have to go. It is completely up to you if you want to work on it yourself or with the help of a professional. But you can’t expect changes without making changes. I have to confront myself daily when it comes to these things. Just recently I decided that I will stop eating sugar only to find myself eating ice cream later in the week.
Getting ice cream was a conscious decision and I take full responsibility for this but I am also the one who will be dealing with the consequences. While I refuse to bring myself down for this, I remind myself and you that it takes one day at a time, one step at a time.
Make your goals clear, know your why, and write down your plan of action – these things will help you to stay on track and be more focused on your journey changing the old patterns and reclaiming yourself.
4| Letting go of expectations
Focusing on the goals and the end result is important. But what is more important is the journey itself. Of course, I set deadlines and final goals, but I wrote them down and let them go. My main focus is what I do on the daily basis in order to get where I am going. This is my action plan and this plan is way more important that the final goals.
I know, it sounds like a cliche and something you heard multiple times but this is the reality we need to face. The journey is more important and the moment you let expectations go, you’ll have less stress.
Expectations do not equal goals, of course, they are different but are they though? Think about it. Goals are not promised and neither are expectations. Yes, goals are more concrete than expectations but I think the essence of these two is similar.
Just keep your goals and your why in mind (and on paper) but focus on your daily tasks (aka your journey or action plan) instead.
Letting go of expectations will also help you to revise and change your goals if needed.
5| Focus on the here and now with a plan for the future
I want to scream this out loud and to make sure you understand the importance of it. STOP coming back to the past and thinking about how something could’ve, should’ve, would’ve.. It’s gone, it’s done, and the past will never come back. It can repeat itself of course but the past you know and have regrets about is totally gone. So please, focus on now.
I know it can get hard. I am a serial daydreamer and I can understand how difficult it can become living in the present moment. But for my own sanity and happiness, I had to teach myself to be more present.
I wrote this blog post – 11 ways to deal with a stressful situation for those who deal with stress but the exercises that are mentioned there can help you to stay present.
6| Bonus tip. It’s ok to take time off
While this is a long journey, you have to allow yourself to take time off, to relax, and to do something else, or nothing at all. The wellness community pressures us into journaling, reflecting, meditating, and perfecting ourselves on a daily basis. It might come as a surprise but we need balance in all areas of our lives, we are just humans after all.
So while according to the wellness world, watching a tv show may not be productive or good for your self-growth, if it makes you happy just do it.
Conclusion
I think personal development, healing, and the journey of reclaiming yourself is a continuous journey. You will not be healed or find the real you after 3 weeks or even 3 months. It’s a non-stop process and a path you choose to walk on.
So have I totally reclaimed myself back? No! I am still working on it and this is ok. As adults, we have a lot to untangle and go through in order to find who we truly are and it takes time and courage.
Let me know what you have learned while being on your personal development and healing journey, I would love to hear it.
And last but not least, it sounds basic but start your journey now and I hope one day you will be able to meet the real you.
Read more:
Creating authentic life and personal motivation
15 easy ways to cheer yourself up
Tips on setting realistic expectations for yourself
